And a Partridge in a Pear Tree

I'm feeling VERY greedy this year.

Normally, I'm somewhat greedy when this time of year rolls around, but this year? This year it's bad. I haven't even really considered what I'm going to buy for everyone else because I spend most of my time wandering through the stores saying things like, "Ooh! Look! OH! I want one of THOSE! EEE! Did you SEE THIS?! DID YOU SEE THIS?! I want that. I totally want that. You HAVE to get THAT for me. OOH, and that, I want one of these too. OH. MY. GOSH. I've been wanting one of these FOREVER. Look, look, LOOK! Add that to my Christmas list. I definitely have to have one of those."

And it goes on. And on. And on.

So far, my Christmas list consists of... these:

And this:

Lots of this:

Some of these:

And plenty of these:

(Oh, and just so we're all on the same page, the shoes are from Lands End, the coffee maker is from Keurig, the jewelry is from Kay, the sweater from Kohl's, and the books I just randomly found on google. They're not my images, and I'm not claiming them as my own, so please do not sue me. Thanks. You're a peach.)

ANYWAY... there's a lot more besides that that I want and I know the whole, "Tis better to give than receive" yada, yada, yada...

But this year? I pretty much just wanna make a haul.

So... Now that ya'll know what I want. Go for it. Buy me something. Make me happy.

Remember:

"Tis better to give than receive."

The Pretty-Skinny-Popular Girls

Okay, back to this whole "being prettier than the pretty, skinny girls I knew in high school" thing.

I'm really not that obsessed with myself.

ANNND, I'm not actually in touch with any of the pretty, skinny girls I knew in high school. Not even on Facebook. And honestly, I'm not all that interested in catching up with them.

BUT, there's that fun little feature on Facebook where if you have friends included in a photo album, you can actually go through the whole album, even if you're not friend with its creator. THUS, I get to see what all the "pretty-skinny-popular" homecoming queens, winter frolic queens, and hotties in my class look like now.

You know when you were in high school and you couldn't get a date if your life depended on it? When no male would give you the time of day unless it was to copy your algebra homework? When on a daily basis you were reminded that you didn't really measure up to the "pretty" girls?

And all this was probably caused by your painfully shy demeanor, your oily, stringy hair, your ability to dress like a grunge rocker groupie when grunge wasn't even in, your weirdo haircuts, your awkward nervousness, and your inability to comprehend and master the science of makeup.

Remember that?

And yet, underneath all that "not measuring up", you'd look at the "pretty, skinny, popular" girls and go, "WHY?"

Looking back, none of the "pretty, skinny, popular" girls were pretty. They were skinny and popular, but that didn't make them pretty, even though high school politics would like students to believe that.

Nope. They weren't pretty. You used to laugh at your Mom when she'd say things like, "Why did SHE get nominated for Homecoming Queen?" Because you just chalked it up to the fact that she was old and senile and didn't know what an attractive girl looked like.

Turns out, she TOTALLY knew what she was talking about. And your "WHY?" moments, weren't just PMS.

The "pretty, skinny, popular" girls wore the right clothes, and had the big chests. They knew how to wear their makeup and hair. They could flirt, they knew how to wiggle when they walked, they knew how to giggle when they talked, and they knew how to cause just enough drama to keep everyone interested.

Therefore, they were popular. And by extension, pretty. And therefore, skinny as well. Because no popular girls were ugly and fat.

So, because they were popular, it automatically meant they were pretty, when anyone with an average IQ and decent eyesight could see that they were, in fact, not.

Not. Pretty. At. All.

I wasn't acutally sure if my theory on this was correct until I saw these former "pretty, skinny, popular" girls on Facebook.

I swear I'm not stuck back in high school, but when I see them, deep inside there's a little voice whispering (quite gleefully, I might add), "OMG, I AM the prettiest girl in my class."

Okay, back then? Not so much. But I had the potential. I just had to figure out what to do with it. And now?

NOW I AM TOTALY PRETTIER THAN THE PRETTY, SKINNY, POPULAR GIRLS I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH.

Because, they were never that attractive to begin with.

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just sayin'...

And it feels pretty good, I'll be honest. Because that awkward, unattractive, shy little high school girl TOTALLY got her revenge.

"YAY!" indeed.

One of the lamest blog posts I have written in a very long time... or maybe not such a long time... depending on what you think of my other posts.

So, I had this really awesome post about Facebook all planned and half written, but when I sat down to finish it, it just wasn't happening, so I've put it on hold.

The only problem is that I've made a promise to myself that I WILL post something on this blog every day this month (holidays not included). And if I don't post SOMETHING tonight, I will get a big, fat FAIL.

BUUUUUT, there has literally been NOTHING going on over here.

So, this is pretty much all you're getting for tonight.

Sorry, but I tried.

Kinda.

I promise I'll write all about how I'm so much prettier and thinner than my former high school classmates who were the pretty, thin ones back in the day.

Or not. Now that I read that, it sounds exceptionally shallow.

But it certainly does feel good.

Danger! Danger! Step away from the home. DANGER IS IMMINENT.

I'm sitting here watching an episode of "House Hunters" on HGTV.

This couple is looking for a house in California, but they also have a little girl... or baby spider monkey... no, I mean baby. I think...

You see they're very concerned about the "safety issues" of each home they look at. And they should be

Stairs? A couple with a child can't have that. MUST NOT OWN A HOME WITH STAIRS. Because of course, stairs pose a significant safety risk. Their little girl might fall down them. Or rather, be tempted to hang from the chandelier and then hurl herself from said chandelier DOWN THE ENTIRE FLIGHT OF 6 STAIRS. No need to put up a safety gate. Just eliminate stairs from the home altogether. Because they maaaaaayyyy pose a safety risk.

Lofts? No, no, no, no, no, silly person. A loft poses an even MORE significant safety issue than stairs. Their 2 year old daughter MIGHT be able to climb the 4 and a half foot wall and then manage to hurl herself over said wall to her death onto the living room floor below.

And a pool? OH MY WORD. WHAT?! A POOL?! A FREAKIN' POOL?! Why don't you just put their child in front of a firing squad. She has a better chance of surviving THAT than a home with a POOL. What, like these poor parents are supposed to keep an eye on their daughter long enough to make sure she doesn't drown herself in the pool out back? Psh. OOOOKAY. Or worse yet, put a fence around the pool? What is she, a caged animal, you barbarians???

WHAT?! There's a FIREPLACE in this home? A PLACE FOR FIRE?! And it doesn't already come equipped with a glass screen? WHAT?! Why don't you just let the child meander her way out into a busy intersection. Will that do the trick for you? HUH? Because I'm pretty sure you're suggesting they end their precious little girl's life by allowing her to play with fire. Do you people not REALIZE how much children enjoying playing with fire? Why, it's just their FAVORITE PASTTIME.

WINDOWS?! Why are there windows in the home? You do realize their daughter could very well slam her finger in one, or break one or climb out of one, right?

And I'm sorry but BATHTUBS? AND SINKS?! These people are SICK. What are bathtubs and sinks doing in a home with a CHILD PRESENT???

Wow. I'm just glad this little girl has smart parents. They opted for the cardboard box with the curved edges.

Too much gravy and a baby daddy.

So... how was everyone's Thanksgiving? I hope everyone had a jolly time of stuffing themselves senseless and enjoying the company of good friends and family. I do not, however, hope everyone enjoyed massive shopping sprees as I do not believe the time for greed is the day directly after Thanksgiving. It strikes me as a bit hypocritical. "Thank you Lord for all I have... now give me more."? I mean... really? It just doesn't seem fitting somehow.

I'm just sayin'...

ANYWAY, my Thanksgiving was quite a happy occasion, thank you for asking. The family wasn't entirely together (I mean, really... how often does THAT happen?) but the majority of us were and it was a happy time. There was myself, my brother and my parents all gathered at one of my sisters' homes. The dinner was PHENOMENAL (my sister's turkey turned out FAN-TAS-TIC... oh and the REAL mashed potatoes? It just about made my entire decade. I haven't had REAL mashed potatoes in so long I almost had forgotten just how AWE-some they really are.) And the icing on the cake was that my mom brought her traditional Sweet Potatoes with Almonds, special dressing, and the MOST AMAZING GRAVY EVER MADE BY ANYONE ON THE FREAKIN' PLANET. I kid you not, bloggity peeps. My mother's gravy is TO DIE FOR. You know how most gravy is like, "Meh. It's gravy. It's keeps the rest of the meal from getting too dry. Yay."? Yeah, so not the case here. I've had "Meh" gravy, and I kind of hate it. Mostly because it's not my Mom's gravy. Because my Mom's gravy kicks all other gravies (asses). Yes, I used that word. But it's THAT GOOD, people. It doesn't just kick butt, it kicks... yeah, I already said it, so I shall refrain from using it again. But it does. It's like the perfect combination of salty and flavorful and AWESOME and YUMMY and *sigh*... I would totally marry it if I could. Which is weird. Cause it's gravy... you know?

ANYWAY, I digress. I ate and ate and ate and ATE. I went for seconds... and then another half a serving. And then some cookies. And some coffee. And some pumpkin pie. And by the time I got home, I was sufficiently stuffed. But I continued to eat and I'm not sure why. I think it's because I came home without any leftovers except for a few relish items and some rolls, and I'm so used to turkey sandwiches on Thanksgiving evening, that I didn't know what to do with myself when I didn't have any.

So, after a lovely day of ridiculous gluttony (which, come to think of it, is REALLY not what Thanksgiving should be about... talk about greedy...) the husband and I went to bed.

And two hours later, we were up again.

I didn't know what was happening, but I awoke to the sound of running, doors slamming, and things being thrown. I was not yet fully conscious, but within seconds my feet were hitting the floor, running down the hall and I was yelling for Joel. I thought I was having another one of those night terrors. But instead of chasing after me like he normally would, Joel's side of the bed was empty, and I had no idea where he had gone.

I walked into our bathroom to find a terrified kitty half standing, half sitting in the kitchen sink looking as bewildered as I was. From the other bathroom, I could hear someone talking, but I didn't know who and I didn't know what they were saying.

And then suddenly I thought I could hear two voices. I wondered if we had an intruder.

My eyes had barely begun to focus, and my mind was still half asleep as I stumbled to the other bathroom, calling for Joel, wondering what the heck I was going to do if there WAS an intruder when I hadn't even had my first cup of coffee.

And then through the closed bathroom door, I realized the origin of the second voice. It was Joel wretching. He was sick.

I crouched down by the door, waiting for the opportunity to ask if he was okay. And as I struggled to stay awake, I debated if I should go in. But going in certainly meant losting MY cookies as well, and so it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me to have two barf machines to clean up after. Besides, what was I going to do, hold his hair back?

It was then that the strangest of strange thoughts entered my mind.

"OH MY GOSH. He's not... oh my gosh... is he... is he... PREGNANT?! OH MY GOSH. He totally has morning sickness. THIS IS MORNING SICKNESS. THIS is why he's been feeling less than stellar lately. HE'S PREGNANT. Oh, good Lord, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!"

I was about to ask him if he had been taking his birth control when my mind finally caught up with the rest of my body and I realized fully that my husband was a man. A man who had eaten way too much at Thanksgiving dinner and had paid for it in the end. There was no intruder, or night terror, or bundle of joy (and poop, spit, and snot) on the way. He was just sick.

I think I actually heaved a sigh of relief at this revelation.

PREGNANT? REALLY? I knew I shouldn't have gone back for seconds. Dang gravy.

An hour and a half later we were able to go back to bed. He had cleared his system out, and I had cleared my mind of all things pregnancy related. And we settled in for round two of our Triptophan filled nap.

So, overall, my Thanksgiving was good. Plenty of food and a shortage of babies. That's pretty much as good as it gets.

P.S. If anyone thinks this post is an invitation to suggest that this is some type of "sign" or that maybe it's time for us to have our own barf machine... DON'T. Seriously. JUST DON'T. Otherwise I'll hold you down until you cry uncle, and then proceed to crush you and take your paper route money.

Raaaaaaawwwwwrrrr... "Have a holly, jolly Chr-" Oh, shut it.

We bought our first Christmas tree as a married couple tonight. Last year, we borrowed my sister's so we figured this year would be a good time to find one of our very own.

It's only 6 and a half feet, but we figure the star will take up another six inches. It's called a Minnesota pine and the needles are two toned: lighter green near the front, darker green near the back of the needle. It looks very fluffy and cuddly and huggable despite the wire needles. But I prefer the wire needles to the nylon ones. The nylon needles start to look a little sad as soon as you get it out of the box. And with my OCD tendencies? I'd probably try to iron them.

We haven't actually gotten the tree out of the box yet. We'll get there. As soon as we get caught up with everything else.

I have a Christmas list due by Thanksgiving. That chore is easy enough for me, it's trying to prod my husband into listing AT LEAST three items he would like to receive. It's like trying to get a third grader to do their penmanship homework. Can't wait.

Not that HE doesn't have things on his mind too. Like the need for new snow tires... because snow is arriving Wednesday and he thought he'd have more time than that given how the weather has been.

Then there will be the actual Thanksgiving Day at my sister's house. I, in all my glorious "benevolency" (no, it's not a word, but it totally works so it totally should be), decided it would be "fun" to do something "crafty" Thanksgiving evening. (Which is totally odd seeing as I loathe all things craft related.) But I thought it might be more fun than sitting around watching 3 football games in a row. Soooo, now I have to buy glass balls (hehe... yes, I am in 7th grade), painty stuff to paint the glass balls (hehe), and vinegar to rinse out the glass balls (hehe) so we can paint them. I went into Michael's the other day to begin my ball-painting mission and that fun holiday stress sneaked up on me, jumped on my back, and WOULDN'T GET OFF. I literally had a hard time breathing. It's a wonder I didn't run out of the store screaming. All I could think about was how I didn't have enough time and still had SO MUCH TO DO. I actually ended up calling my husband in tears asking if he could come pick me up (he was at another store) because I wanted to "go home now". And then once I climbed into the car he got an earful about how much I hate this time of year and "I don't know what kind of balls to get and what kind of paint I'm supposed to use, and do you KNOW how much those FREAKIN' glass balls COST? I'm going to go broke and it was all my STUPID idea and I don't wanna do it anymore and if anyone smiles at me like they're all excited for the holidays I'm gonna smack them and laugh in their faces as I do."

I think I was a little tightly wound that evening. But still... it just gets to a person after a while. There's just so much "stuff" to do.

Thankfully, my sister offered to get the paints and some balls, so I should be able to breathe a bit more easily...

That is until I consider that...

We still need to take a picture for Christmas cards, get Christmas cards addressed and sent out, buy lights for the Christmas tree, decorate the Christmas tree, teach the cat how NOT to molest the Christmas tree, find stockings for our non-existent fireplace, find other festive decor to place around the apartment that is not lethal to cata, figure out how to decorate the deck of the apartment, start shopping, finish last minute shopping, figure out the schedule for our whirlwind winter tour of '09, figure out how we're going to afford ANY of this, make some Christmas goodies, and prepare for any unexpected holiday guests.

Oh, and I still have to buy rolls for Thanksgiving.

It doesn't seem like a lot, until I realize that Thanksgiving is two days away... which means Christmas is a month away, and we haven't even gotten ourselves fully moved in and organized in this place. Plus, all this "junk" is piled on top of the mounds of "junk" I have to take care of and catch up with on a daily basis.

I mean, WHY do we put all this stress on ourselves this time of year? Why? I don't even have to do any of the cooking and I'm already stressed.

Honestly, if I could just curl up in bed for another month until this mess is over with, I'd be happy.

I used to be exhiliarated by this time of the year. And now I know why... my Mom took care of everything. SHE had the stressful part.

I think I'll move back home before I start looking a little something like this:

Minus the smiling face and the star.

A New Look

As you can see, I went a little crazy making changes to my blog. There's not a whole lot you can do as far as picking out templates on Blogger, so I had to get a little creative.

I also FINALLY added a link to BlogNosh since one of my pieces was featured on there, plus some links to favorite Facebook pages. I also added a couple of blogs: Crusco's Observatory and New Fangled Me. They make for some good reading so you should check them out, yo.

I've also become quite proficient with PhotoShop so I think I'm going to be changing the banners and the overall look of the blog as the seasons change. It should be a good time I think.

Don't you?